Time Just Goes On and On and On

So today was different. Haha, different . . . wow. Today I attended school like usual, went to each class, slept in math, and finally wrote a 25 minute essay on how the media influences our priorities. So I scrambled to pick something for my friends birthday present, she turned 16 this month, but I couldn't find anything.  I spent 2 hours, not exaggerating, looking through crap and finally settled with a Target gift card. I hate gift cards because they are lifeless, they have no sentiment. Either way thats what I gave her and it made me angry at myself. I'm sort of alone. If I couldn't find something for her, its because I don't know her as well anymore. When and how did that happen? I'm so lost when it comes to my friend's lives. Anyways, so after I ate some dinner and headed for my other friend's house. I was super excited for our reunion. . . THE TRES AMIGAS back together. We had two extra people, a girl and a boy and I didn't mind them at all. Except they had filmed all day for a project and were already "connected" and I ended up being a 5th wheel in their little get together. They appeared to be such good friends and I felt patronized by them when my comments made no sense or were ignored. I don't know maybe I'm just sensitive. Its just hard seeing time pass and go on withought me. I have friends in my school but its not the same. I hate Rancho but in many ways my friendships there were so much stronger than today. Now I'm constantly depressed and plainly alone. Well sorry for the negative post. . . again but my life hasn't exactly been happy these past few weeks or months. 

Wish I were numb,

Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

After

So last entry was quite. . . depressing. Hehe. OK really depressing. But I swear people I don't think I need psychiatric help. . . again thats my personal diagnosis. =D Anyways, life in general has not really changed from that entry. I mean I still feel super lonely and stressed. And I swear school is sucking the little positiveness I have left in me, and trust me that little bit left is quite precious. Oi. My love life is lonely like always. My home life is lonely and full of . . . anger. My school life is stressful and oppressive. My social life is . . . it just is. Perty much the same as every other day of my boring life. 

So lets take the attention of the negatives and concentrate on the positive. Oh wait there isn't any. Oh well I tried. Oh something exciting!!!! ----I'M AN EXISTENTIALIST!!!!! =D To all who know what I mean, isn't that great??? And to all who don't. . . listen in class peeps just listen. So I think I'm done. I mean I can go into all the things that are due on Monday, and all the crap I have to do Saturday, and how i've been really sick for the past few weeks but I don't really feel like it. So i wont. 

Peace out,

Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

PS. I watched THE DUCHESS and it was super duper so I recommend it. 

PSS. I really want to watch SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE and WATCHMEN.