La. . . La. . . La

So i'm listening to Britney Spears right now(to her new cd). it's actually ok. If U Seek Amy . . . . is really saying F * * * hahahahaha. cracks me up. anyways it december and i'm tired and over school. i have a huge chem and history test that i should be studying for at this moment but i'm not. and i have a huge math test on friday along with a 10 page essay due friday. but i'm not doing that either.

MY PERSONAL LIFE
same as always. lonelly. its ok tho, all tho its depressing to see all the love in the air with formal coming. i'm trying to get over andrew because 1) he would never be interested in me 2) he sort of ignores we when i talk to him in class (hey i can take a hint) and 3) he seems to like someone else. so i've got to move on. *sigh* for those that dare to read this heads up on a major pittty party. . . . i just dont understand. i mean i dont have the best physique but still my personality is good, i'm a smarty not overbearing. hmmmmm . . . oh well. going on i sort of developed a tiny crush on shawn. no not the one from rsf. eewwww! he was in my bio class freshman year and makes me laugh. i havent seen much of him tho. i've been thinking of asking him to formal but i dont think i have the guts.

MY SCHOOL LIFE
stressful. so nothing has changed. . . at all.
i'm screwed for tommorow.

MISC
So now that i have that down i can babble on about nothing. it was quite funny actually last week we had drama in my group. One of my friends asked a guy to formal with brownies and he said yes, then took it back!! i think she gulped down the feeling becuase the next day she had a smile plastered on her face. what was most interesting is the fact that in history another girl was telling me about how the guy had told my friend no from the start and she just started a scandal. dont know the truth tho. it sux i feel sort of excluded. when clarrisa and jessica were talking about my friend's experience they sort of walked away and whispered. (imagine me roll my eyes) truth is the only person i fit in is really katherine. i have other friends and i found it really interesting how i instantly felt welcomed when i talked to them during lunch on friday. =) i dont know were i stand anymore. i feel so out of place. i mis my old friends so much but we are alll split apart also. i mean valerie moved back and goes to LCC with me now but we dont hang out in the same place at all. she found a place with the mexicans. something i cant do no matter how hard i try. jeeez must be white washed. hahhahahaha. so i'm done.
peace out,,
Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

who else?

PS. it poured rain today and i loved it. it was awesome. over spring break me and my sister are going to washington. =D and no not only because of twilight. hahahaha. my sister is state surfing and we both like gloomy wether so twilight just picked our first state to visit. =D i'm so childish when it comes to puddles i was all over them today!!!! people think i'm weird now. oh well . . . ha.

PROLIFE DAY OF SOLIDARITY and other things

so today was actually exciting because i had a fat piece of red tape with big black letters saying LIFE stuck to my face over my mouth. How people reacted was HALARIOUS!!!!! they were creeped out like a was a terroist or something like really people just ask me why and i'll give you a handout. seriously people are so stupid sometimes. anyways this tape was to give a voice by not having a voice to all the babies lost to abortion. i didnt talk all day and handed out flyers it was quite rewarding actually. anyways my french teacher made me talk b/c all the frosh asked me for tape i said yes (damn my naiveness) and all they wante was to not talk in french class and madame being so keen said we all have to participate. oh well i tried . . .darn those freshymen. anyways other than that and Ean asking questions when he knew i couldnt answer it was cool.

so i have a new crush it is no longer Jeremy (buttface doesnt even say hi to me anymore and to think i shared my food w/ him!) but Andrew. now i never thought i would like a preppy let alone an almost blonde one (no offense to blondes) but i just never saw myself w/ someone like that but dude andrew is so beutiful. hmm . . . if we were in a cartoon, hearts would be popping out of my eye sockets. its weird tho. . . he's smarter than me like way (i know who knew that was possible ;D) like he's in my AP history class and scores way higher than me and on top of that he is in Calculus. hot and w/ a brain. like they say on DEGRASSI i have found a rare species of cuteness nerdness. . . and he sits next to me.

heres a yummy picture. his codename is apple. yum. ok well i've creeped myself out. . . that its for today!

PEACE,

SMURF

shriveling petals=a dead flower

im deppresed. it official. school has just made it worst by adding a great deal of pressure to my mind. oh man. not good. i feel like i was flourishing flower full of hope and happiness after my spiritual growth over camp but now i'm shriveling and shriveling petals means a dying flower. i'm dying inside and feel like i need to be rejuvinated. but i dont know how? at the same time i have so many good things going for me that i'm excited for but my home life and problems just weigh me down. i'm stuck with all these emotions captured in my mind and i cant find the words to describe them, so i just keep them bottled them up until all i can do is cry and let the tears leak out my frutration. leaking out frustration doesnt help getting rid of all the emotions though its temporary relief. i feel alone. i'm not suicidal but jeez sometimes i wish i could be numb and forget everything. . . start all over with a white paper. but then i guess i wouldnt be me anymore.

my life is . . . LAME!

WOW. MY VACATION HAS BEEN REALLY MELLOW. FOR REALLY VANILLY!
As i said before its been lame. . .boring to the max. i'm gonna go to church tommorow and then hang out with my sis and then go to bed. yay. july 21-25 i have to be a crew leader at a little day camp at my church . . . basically babysitting. yay. then i get to well do nothing. i dont know what to do with my life. anyone have ideas. i'm open to anything.

THIS IS NOT A SUICIDAL NOTE. . .

. . . but with my deppresed life it will probably sound like one. WOW where do i start? Let me see i have finally returned to the oh so wonderful US of A, i had a less than an ok time in Mexico, the deadline for a scholarship to attend NYLC has passed, my future oriented sister is here, i got a haircut, i'm dyeing some strands blue, and i didnt attend church today. Yeah that covers it.

Shall i elaborate on the statements above? Well, mexico pretty much sucked. i mean the ride there and back was unbearable with my 1.5 yr old nephew, extremely annoying 12 yr old nephew, and abnoxious 9, 11, and 13 yr old nieces, plus my grouchy dad, deppressed mother, and UGH 32 year old sister. We all fit in the expo that if you tried to squeeze one more object in it would explode! I swear i was going to die. When we finally arrived my aunt, as always, called me fat which i was expecting. so i just let the comment slip but ofcourse she had to call my niece fat so she made my 13 yr old niece self conscious the whole time there. AHHHHHHH! i was going to literally pull my hair out. summer in mexico is mosquito season so i got eaten alive. and my grandma didnt remember me but that was expected. i just really wanted to sleep the whole time and i basically did, talk about making the best out of a bad situation. I have to say the high points of my awful trip was my cousin's grad, going to school with my cousin, and on the way back we stopped at Mazatlan. That would of taken 2 days to accomplish. yay. Now my parents came from 2 seperate little pueblos my mom from Gavilan Grande and my dad from Pajaritos, Gavilan is close to Santiago (internet!), and Pajaritos is close to Tecuala (internet!) but my grouchy dad would not let me go to either. so pretty much i just was bogas for me of gone.

I''m not trying to scapegoat the trip but if i had just stayed here at home i could of gotten my scholarship form for NYLC on time. i know a big part was my procastination but jeezzzz being there was just a waste. Now i feel really bad because although i could of gone and i didnt! i mean $1,559 is alot of money and especially for me and my family. . . . AHHHHHH! i probably could of fundraised it on time if i had started when i got the nomination. God i hate myself right now so much. July 11th is the deadline for the money and application and guess what that is this freakin friday, this really truly sucks. . . a lot. and i cant help but blame myself, here comes the pity party. So my sister is here and she's great but she gave me a lecture on my future as always. but htis time i agreed and i have now mapped out what i'm gonna do . . . since my family does not have the priviledge of money,hec we are flat out broke when i get out of highschool i will of hopefully of gotten into the Airforce Academy, no im not gonna go to war, there i will work my butt of as a cadet studying watever profession i choose. that will be 4 years of my life, age 21 then since i got a free education i must work for the government for 4 years to work of my debt then i will be 25. those four years are mandatory and i might not get my proffesion, after that i am gonna work for 15 years for the goverment but under the proffesion i chose at 40 i get to retire!! yay!! hahaha. my sis worked it out.

anyways sorry if that bore you, i cut my hair alot. well not a lot its shoulder length. and i have side bangs, sort of and layers. . . you kind of have to see it. i'm gonna dye 3 peek a boo aqua blue highlights. YAY!!!

Ok i'm tired so i will continue to bore who ever is crazy enough to read this later. later. see ya and although i'm a tad deppresed i'm sure i'll be ok.

MEXICO . . .

So i'm leaving tonight at the butt crack of dawn if that makes sense in any way . . . technically i'm leaving 2morrow at the butt crack of dawn. ANYWAYS i just finished watching Joan of Arc and my shirt is like soaked in my tears its so sad. i swear i'm not much of a cryer in movies but Joan of Arc, Titanic and A Walk To Remember always get to me. its so sad i mean they burn her alive for her beliefs. ahhh. so irritating. anyways i said i'm leaving so i wont write for 2 weeks yay. haha. but i'm sure July 3 there will be a huge entry! ;) ha. well as the big nerd i am, i found more stories on the internet. being broke and having a necessity for literature is very hard. so anyone interested in reading awesome stories by us, the youth of america, go to www.quizilla.com it awesome my account name is WriteLoveOnMyArms , dont ask. anyways it like the youth or watever that write all of the stories, poetry, lyrics, polls, quizzez. its reallly cool. so the story named For Every Girl Who Thinks She's Met Her Prince-I . . . Well I Have. . . Literally. And He's Has a Secret. is really good, and yes that is the title if i were you its easier to copy and paste! another really good one is Giving Up My Humanity and Servitude to a Vampire , and Immortality Unwished For if you are wondering yes all three are vampire stories. i think i'm going through a vampire stage at the moment so let me be. =/ hehe. anyways if you research Xantara: Protector of the Earth you see mine! and along with others i had no idea that the name Xantara was so popular. . . and the meaning. ha. now my whole story is taking a turn into a pile of cliche. GREAT. but i'll figure out a way to get it out of that pile. . . hopefully.
not much is going on other than what i have just typed. life has just continued to be plainly boring. very boring. very very boring. and i have a feeling that this trip to mexico wont really change that. . . although now that i'm fourteen i can go party at the plaza. but then again last time i went i was 11 and let me tell you watching teenagers making out by a tree on a bench it the townsquare with ranchera music in the background is not exactly appealing. me and tongi will have to shake things up! hehe. (yes her nickname is Tongi. we make fun of her and call her thong. hahahahaha.) well write laters. and take my advice and be squares and read those stories!
hehe.
Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

VK . . . and other brief thoughts!

AHHHH! I LOVE Vampire Knight and to all you other fans of this fantastic anime visit http://vampire.ichigo.nu/ it so cool. it's like fans from 81 countries! Anyways this week is like finals and today i had geometry and health my only 2 finals and i think i bomed geometry and i got 100% on my health. GREAT. hahaha. anyways tomorrow i get to layz around i mean in the morning i have a baby shower for my english teacher and biology is like hanging out the whole time. so pretty much i'm gonna waste my time. so i reaserch VK on you tube and theres actual videos i still havent seen them and if i am the first to do this . . .emelie. . . i am sincerely suprised. and if anyone watches them before me dont spoil them for me!!! i'll post them on later when i've already watched.

Love you all,

Lili AKA smurf burrito

ID Picture!

So today i had to get to school at the butt crack of dawn because my sister had to get to work early. Thus, i roll out of bed with a super messy braid, change, tell my sister "are u gonna do me a french braid?" She responds we dont have time. so as everyone who knows me i dont really care about how my hair looks. . .clearly. so i have a black tank top with blue skulls and a black semi jacket thing and i get to school . . . looking very crappy and Kim tells me you know we're taking ID picture today! and i'm like GREAT i'm gonna look good. i looked awful i mean the guy said smile and i blinked with a crooked with smile! :/ really bad!!! i guess i'll have to take retakes for sure!!!! well we had a very stimulating debate in english about whether Jack is responsible for the death of Simon. . . LORD OF THE FLIES. and then biology came. . . JC!!! He shared his cheeze-its with me. . . i was starving. then dance came and we had the an assembly for sophmore president .. . . a girl rapped her speech-VERY INTERESTING. hahahaha! anyways i voted for Chris. after i took my super bad ID pic. . . then practiced my dance, i have to perform it next class and i really suck. Anyways that about all. . . AHHHHH JC is so nice. ok .. . that was random. BYE!

signing out,
Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

More SWC Pictures!!!

(SIDE) Captain Crunch @ Newsboys Concert!
(BOTTOM) Me, Alaiza,Paul









(SIDE) Me, Krista, and Haley
(BOTTOM) Dayton and DJ

(TOP) Me and Lindsay

(SIDE) Breana and Haley

(BOTTOM) Me & Krista

(TOP) Random Dude, Krista, Me, Haley, Band Dude, Band Dude, Dayton, Lindsay, Lindsay, and Breana.

Some SWC Pictures! (gonna post more l8er)

Both of these are Dismaz! i cant download any of my videos my stupid computer wont let you i'll try again later.

SPIRIT WEST COAST! (ah. . . head bangers!)

SPIRIT WEST COAST WAS AMAZING! it was absolutely fabulous. i mean newsboys was full of captain crunch, skillet was full of head banging awesomeness and FIRE, kutless was madness and TFK was moshing to fullest. it was (insert a word that includes awesomeness, incredible, superfantastic!)! the weekend started friday afternoon we got there and watched Leeland and it was the perfect start. then we watched Disciple ;) awesome christian metal! followed by evening message and newsboys! it was crazy i mean they have a song. . . a verse is"they dont serve breakfast in hell" so we all sang along and then threw captain crunch in the air. now this would of been tons of fun but it was raining and Damian crushed our bag into powder and Selena dumped it on my head. crushed cereal and water make a gross pudding substance in my hair. . . not very good. other than that it was faboulous the drummer like spun i'll post the video. it was fabulous. that was friday!saturday was fun too. i mean my group was- DJ, Dayton, Jacob, Alaiza, Selena, Lindsay, Lindsay (there was two), Tanner, and Krista. It was fabulous. we went to see Dizmas first and it was great here are some pictures. . . they signed my wallet! well i'l spare you all the detailes but Keith, David, Breeana, Julia, and Hailey were also there. now for those that i've told i used to have a crush on Keith since that one church lock in and i still sort of did. . . this time. dont get me wrong hec i really like (he that shant be named) but Keith still made me smile and feel safe. it was nice. i mean lindsay totally likes him and i think he likes her back and thats alright they would make such a cute couple. =) both are really sweet. even though i feel content about the feelings i have for him and hec have a big reality check that its never gonna happen he still makes me happy when i see him. =/ i guess its something that will take a while to get rid of. well anyways other than that i didnt have any romantic feeling other than wishing (he that shant be named) was with me rocking out! it so fun i mean the back of my neck and upper back is so sore from head banging and jumping . . .and i slept on a hard floor with no pillow. =/ ha. now i bet my friends are having a hard time picture me, Liliana Alaniz, rockin out and hec it took me a while to be comfortable enough to start totally rocking out! and i did. ask anyone that went. i didnt actually go in a moshpit because those were plain scary but me and hailey promised each other that next year we would totally rock out and punch some people. ;) i mean the TFK one was absolutely nuts. . . i came out with a bruise and i wasnt even in it! shea you would totally have a great time maybe nxt year you can come with me. =) em. . . me and shea would make you rock out!!!! its super dupeer fun. ok well that was what i did all weekend. i think my favorite concerts were Skillet and TFK (thousand foot krutch) because they were awesome. . . i mean Skilllet had FIRE and other technics that were . . . well great and TFK had the best moshpit ever. it was so much fun. for those who have not gone to a SPIRIT WEST COAST you have to next year. tickets are i thing $120 for the whole 3 days. i was awesome! (i need a new word for awesome.) Well got tones of homework still to do and its 4:30 already. PEACE!
Signing out ,
Lili AKA smurf burrito

Gorgeous or Gorgeous? (Plus some deppresing thoughts.)

Is he gorgeous or gorgeous? i cant decide!!! i mean look at those eyes and hair!!! hmmm. . . no have not gone boy crazy but just look. how can i not resist to ramble a little. a i'm gonna go nuts. as i said before he's like 27 so let me see 27-14=13 not too shabby. hehe. anyways nothing important happened just an average boring as hec day at school, my hip bone really hurts and i got a nice woodfloor burn on my foot yesterday.

so i cant wait until this weekend on friday i leave to del mar, i know real far, and rock out to christian rock concerts ALL weekend then HOPEFULLY monday (no school) me and my friends can hang out all freakin day to make up for all the time we have been missing out. its gonna be a blast!! CHOW!

****WARNING DEPPRESION TALKING!*****

so while i posted the super random post this morning titled, morning, i was thinking how i really really really want to start having a lovelife. pathetic? i think so. now, dont get me wrong i'm not the kind of person that rushes stuff but lately, especially withought my friends, i've been lonely. i mean all my sisters have something in there hands, my freakin niece has a more active social life!, and i only have a couple of friends at LCC. its been pretty lonely. my closest friend at LCC just got a boyfriend, i totally disagree with her decision b/c she is practically using the poor guy. and thats saying something cause i dislike the guy. i already nipped her in the butt for it and will keep on annoying her. now i know i should fill that space and time with God, etc. but lately i have been having issues with that, too. i really cant be going into some type of deppression. hopefully not. but i mean i nice guy in my life right now would be really, well, nice. but thats not going to happen so i guess filling my head with ben barnes, and other narnian boys, love story and novels, drawing, and my crush is a way of distracting from a more deeper pain/problem. i havent put my finger on it but i know i'm not even close to being content with my life. i feel so unaccomplished, and stupid, my self-esteem is practically past the sewer and into a dump, and my family is having alot of issues lately. i've found myself sleeping alot recently its like another way of postponing lonelyness . . . ur numb and u dont have to think of anything, ur head dreams. well. . . THAT WAS DEPPRESSING. going on with my sad life. nope that was it. hahaha. i guess this is goodbye for now.

signing out,

lili aka smurf burrito

PS come on is he gorgeous or gorgeous?!?

Morning

wow it 6:02 and i only slept ~6 hours. . . .i'm tired. lately i've been so caught up in reading THE HOST or just doing nothing that i havent done homework until late night. so anyways i finished THE HOST! it was so good!!!!!! i mean not as great as TWILIGHT but it totally teaches humans how wide spread or spectrum of good and evil is. i mean we can be the cruelest things in the world, scratch that, we are. but at the same time we can give so much love and kindness.our humanity is so . . . interesting. i mean i didnt notice before but humans can feel so many emotions at the same time, i mean i doubt a flower can feel them. we also always resort to violence. . . i mean we are in war right now. how is it possible that we cant keep peace?
well thats what the book made me see although i doubt the main character's species exsists Stephenie Meyer definently makes her readers see how horrible and how good we can be. it also let me realize that we all need to give back because taking and taking, is wrong. and self sacrifice for the greater good. =)
I just read what i wrote in its a bit jumbled. . . oh well. that was more for me so i dont forget. it really is a good book. anywaysers i got to get ready for schoool but really dont want to go but . . . . yesterday i saw my crush and got to talk to him the whole period, sort of. i mean we were doing super easy labs and we had his friend Sam dragged along but it was so fun. they made me laugh a lot. =) well gots to go . . . write laters or 2morows.
Signing out,
Lili aka smurf burrito

Prince Caspian . . . hmmmmmm!

So i just came out of the movies, i watched Chronicles of Narnia:Prince Caspian!!! he is so incredibly gorgeous. . . on film. hehe. not so much of-i guess lighting, makeup, and a brave role does a lot to you. ha. anyways i totally need the poster of him (like the one in the DEL MAR movie theatres) and no i have not gone crazy this guy is like 26 years old! anyways Peter and Edmund have grown up (in the movie and life) to be pretty cute. =)

Anywaysers, i've gone on that rant, it was hilarious in the movies i went on a sister date. . . and we were the loudest ones there. you can imagine-my older sister snorts when she laughs, my other sister is more of snicker and i'm a bit of both! hahaha. we were really bad at not talking! before, we went to the grocery store to buy food and my sister wanted macadamia nuts so my other sis is like so how do we ask where they are "where are your nuts, sir?" -right. so she asked this pair of cute highschoolers "do you know where you keep ur MACADAMIA nuts?" good thing she put macadamia there. and then in the movie they throw huge bolders and im like "wow those are big balls" not the best wording at all. i know what ur thinking, what perverted minds but i tell you its my sister's! ha. it was super fun. i wish i could of enjoyed something like that with shea and em. . .I MISS YOU GUYS! well i decided i need posters in my room--and more . . . me. you know personality.

well i think i'm done. nothing happened at school other than the fact that it was unbearably hot!! and some girl was being a real female dog at pe. i mean when we were changing back into our clothes i said "ah it so hot" and she turns and says "no, i thought i was cold
and i'm like "well i like pointing out the obvious" and shes like "yeah, clearly" ahhhhh! i mean it doesnt sound bad in typing but the way she said it was maddening. anyways i decided i really like the guy that sits nxt to me in bio, and that i need my friends ALOT, and that i have no life. yup a tad depressing. but watever. on the plus side i'm reading alot. . . right. ok well type to my faithful reader later!
signing out,
Lili aka Smurf Burrito

PS you know edmunds name in real life is SKANDAR KEYNES!!!!! weird huh? and he's 17!

Still Feeling Sick. . .(and more complaining) =)

(skip to last paragraph in order to not get completely tortured with my rambling there is a 2 sentence recap! but if you like reading my sensless rambling be my guest.) =)

Well i still feel like crap physically! not only because i'm sick but because i at a huge lasagna, and 2 small donuts after school . . .(lunch sucked and i didnt eat breakfast!). mind you this was about around 3 and its 7:30 i still feel like a blown up whale!!! yeah. . .no space for dinner. ha. i'm sick and today my appetite opened up(as you can plainly see by my diet) so after i ate i totally fell asleep. . . .and woke up 2 hours later . . . STILL TIRED. i hate being sick it sucks out all my energy.
today in the morning i had an intreguing conversation about LORD OF THE FLIES in english class about jack and ralph. . . .blah blah blah. i mean i really dont like this book, so these kids are stuck on the island and turn SAVAGE i dont want to read about them killing each other. i was tired and cranky . . .on the plus side the cute guy in my class looked great! ha. Then in biology the guy i like [ *-* (stary eyed)] that sits nxt to me asked "are you ok? why werent you here on tuesday?" with real concern. . .glad to know i was missed = ) i was like i was sick so he let me nap in the back which was impossible because shawn wouldnt shut up with TOUCH MY BODY by Mariah. . . so then they through paper balls at each other and one hit me on the face (thrown by shawn . . .ofcourse) and the guy i like was like "hey dont hit my Liliana! i'll almost kill you if you do it again. . . almost." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! ofcourse he said it in a playful manner but it was nice. =) he said he knew how i felt (he was sick last week) and that i better not be contagious. =) that made me feel loads better ;D. Dance was boring we did across the floor and kept choreographing a dance. ofcourse mine is like comteporary, which i suck at. . . . great!
I actually went to church yesterday! i kno amazing. . . . like shea i have been having some spirituallity difficulties lately and i was aperantly missed. . . ofcourse david, damian, and joel were, excuse my french, but complete a-wholes, SORRY LORD, but you know its true, i volunteered for VBS (vacation bible school) i get to be a crew leader over the summer for a week . . . can i get a JESUS. hehe. Summer is looking morbid for me. i mean i want, yes want, to take a psycology class but i also want to go to Mexico and ofcourse they are on the same days!!!! i have some real decisions to make. then july-august i have a camp to go to in big bear (yes religoun based) but it looked fun. ugh.
recap. . .. i totally, completely like J***** C*** because he's awesome, i'm spiritually confused, i cant hang out with my friends cause something always come up, and i have morbid decisions to make for summer. great i like my life. ha. well i think im done rambling and sharing my flustered life. . . like only 2 people read this anyways!
signing out,
Lili aka Smurf Burrito

Long Time No See

Well, its been a long time since i have written on my blog. and today i felt like a sick dog. . . yeah sick. to bad i have to go to school tomorow. . . but i feel loads better than i did yesterday. =) i still feel like caca but better. ummm . . . nothing interesting has happened in my life i was supposed to get a new cellphone but then i didnt then my sister came and she talked to me about my future. . . yada yada yada ya. and i was yeah i know. i'm gonna taka a psychology class over the summer and might go to mexico so thats a plus i guess.
so today i had a lot of time on my hands and so i was looking at my yearbook, i looked like crap, but i always do in pictures and i really felt bad all over agaiin for missing grad. i wanted to cry and then saw a picture of whats his face?, oh yeah Trey Majors and said HA he had to walk with Mrs.Dechary. . . but then was sad again because everytime i look back i feel awful. i bet i wasnt exactly missed other than by my friends but felt like i let down all of my teachers and close friends. i mean i can help but feel emberrased and guilty everytime i see them. like i cant face Mrs. Delany or worse Mr. Rossier. . . i mean he was willing to sneak me in. how lame was i. as i look back i feel selfish and stupid. . . how could i do that. i mean hold all my feelings bottled up then totallly explode like a freakin volcano. its awful. i'm awful. well, i'm down again. i'm gonna take a shower so bye and good night.
Signing out,
lili aka smurf burrito

Vampires

So everyone knows about the Twilight series and how the hot stuff Edward falls in love with the ordinary Bella, right? right. ok so i'm in to drawing some manga lately (and no shea i'm not coping you shea!) , a result of being bored on a sunday afternoon, and yesterday night decide to try to read a manga book you know to get a hang of the style. and the book is online its called Vampire Knight. . . AND ITS AWESOME!!!! ok so you have to read it, my faithful readers, it @ www.onemanga.com click on Vampire Night and enjoy!!
signing out,
lili AKA smurf Burrito

Cars. . . i DROVE one!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! so a few months back i tried driving a stick shift car and well lets say my sis had to use the emergency break because i was about to drive into a tree. you know i was concentrating on the stick shifting instead of the wheel . . . hehe. so anyways today i tried again and made it all the way home!!! (my street) but thats not the point. =) i did it!!! i'm so excited. yay! anywaysers today i didnt start school til like 12:20 so i picked up one of my friend and on the way i had to call autozone for my sis and i was talking about spark plugs. so my friend was texting myra and kim is like "liliana is talking with some guy on the phone" and Myra's "like ooooooohhhh maybe its her boyfriend" and kim is like "i dont know its from autozone you know, for her sister, unless spark plugs mean something" then myra goes "that's what she wants you to think, maybe spark plugs is code talk" HAAHAHAHAHAHA! yeah right. so then while kim tells me i'm like thats funny spark plugs ignite the ignition. if you think about it that totally did not seem to be the best wording. hehe. yeah. so now its a joke. hahaha. spark plugs ignite the ignition. .. its all so funy. (well, maybe not to you but you had to be there). then kim got this letter from Fransisco (some guy with a really bad crush on her) about how he's sorry for being mean and an a-hole. so she wrote on the letter "i dont want to hurt you" then scribbled it then wrote "i'm over you! sorry" but then scribbled out sorry. now isnt that a nice way to let someone down gently. hahaha! well i'm over ranting i just wanted to tell every person that reads this pathetic blog that i DROVE today!!! YAY! YAY! i did it. i did it. i did it. ok well see ya.

signing out
Lili AKA smurf burrito.

Twilight and Romance Novels

Ok so today i had the awesome GEOMETRY STAR TESTING fun. and the 3 girls that sit close to me were all reading one of the twilight series.. . that was at my health class but in p.e there were three other people and in those three a guy. now i began to think why is it we so clearly love this series. is it the fact Edward is so incredibly perfect, or that he loves bella so intensely we want to feel that love, is it the plain lust we see when Meyer describes them kissing, or is it the overall warmness and desire we feel when reading. well dont ask me cause i have not yet figured it out. now people say its a phase (emelie), when you love a book so much, but seriously i think that its the feelings we so dearly love that when your done reading the book the feelings seize to exist there for we want more. . . crave more. you know. well thats what i feel, anyways. the same closeness you feel to the novelas we watch or the movies we watch. that great attachment that when they finish you say "AWWWWWW! that was it. i mean i like it but, what!". you know. anywaysers i'm done with that rant. i do have something exciting yet horribly bad, for me, ready? . . . well today all our classes were shorter, because of STAR testing, and i had a forty minute PE thus we did nothing but sit in the gym. so i sat there and lately got the hobby of drawing and i always draw people sitting on the bleacher, so i turned and started drawing Dylan. . . i guy in my PE class (no not dylan from RSF) and this dylan is not bad looking. . . so i decided hec why not, my friends were writing a wacky story and i didnt want any part in that so i started to sketch the book he was reading, but he moved. so it totally ruined the position so i was like UGH and turned around to face the other side were i found some random guy with the same position. and towards the end of class my friends asked " so what did u draw?" and i was like "well, i tried drawing Dylan but he moved too much. so i drew some random person on the other side." and Courtney said "what did you draw?" and Yvonne said "Dylan." then Dylan said "What did you draw?" and Yvonne said "you" but in an insinuating kind of way. . . kind of like if i had a love interest in him .. i'm like oh great!! just peachy. so dylan wanted to see and was like i didnt get to far you moved to much so i got your book =/ good cover? i dont think so. . . since then he's been acting weird . . . i dont know but i dont think its good because i dont have a crush on him. . . so great i should just pick random people form now on!! i learned my lesson!
so my wonderful friends . . .shea and emelie. .. we need to plan a weekend together. . . HELLO! how bout emelie you get over your mom's rules. . .shea you get your house ready . .. ME get transportation for emelie. i'm thinking movie friday then sleep over at shea's. . . then maybe we can help shea get ready for her prom .. . you know corny girly stuff. . .plus i'm dying to see shea's prom dress .. . and her boyfriend. Well see ya laters.
Signing out,
Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

I Can't Think Of a Title

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shea my stupid mind forgot to recheck my blog so i couldnt get back to you! I swear destiny refuses to let the tres amigas get back together. Well that sucks. ugh. darn you timing.
So, anyways, all saturday i was like a lifeless zombie. . . if zombies could have a life. i mean i woke up at 8 then totally stared at my wall for like 30 minutes then watched RATATOUILLE (spell check) then watched some other movie then did nothing. then finally picked up my room. When 5PM came slowly and painfully rolling around my sister came with my niece and i took her. it was good, the play. i mean the singing was a bit . . . unpolished. but overall it was good. my niece totally went starry eyed over one of the male lead parts. . . but who could blame her he was good looking. haha! and well the attire was funny, 1980's! the part i enjoyed the most was the music choices i mean they sang VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR, GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN, FOOTLOOSE, I'VE HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE, 500 MILES. . . sure they werent perfect but totally entertaining. anyways once we got home i totally crashed out. and woke to get ready for church.
@ church Pastor Mat's brother gave a testimony about his life. it was AMAZING!!!!! i mean he ran away form home when he was 13 and was hooked on acid. he didnt give details but said he lived a very sinful life, aka i did very bad things, and then he decided to join the military but there was alot of problems, and he had to get his diploma so he did. and at college he met his wife and now has kids and is happy. but overall he knows he still is dirty rotten scoundrel and that all we see good in him is Jesus Christ shining out. you know. all he wanted to do before becoming a real christian is be a good person but he isnt, he said. anyways it was awesome. totally inspiring. my sister just told me it was an hour long but it felt like 15 minutes because it was so good. =)
so now im here at my sisters house. waiting to for my mommy. and gots to go so, bye.
Signing out,
Lili aka Smurf Burrito

PS. EMELIO & SHEA WE TOTALLY HAVE TO MEAT (ha i just but the wrong king of meet.) anyways, THIS WEEKEND DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!! I DONT CARE FOR WHAT. MAYBE EVEN SOME COFFEE. THEN AGAIN EMELIE AND CAFFEINE. OH OH.

PSS. emelie i still have your b-day present from like ever.

God save me. Part 1 of the play was absolutely fabulous but sadly my circumstances suck and from lack of communication i had to leave during intermission. I'm definitely going to go 2morrow again to see it all!!!! So for anyone out there that is interested in going with me please email me!!! Curtain call is at 7:30 but for good seats we have to get there around 7:10. OK anyways i was so irritated that i have to leave and i have this weird . . . reaction to being alone. I think its because of my low self esteem, but when I'm alone whether day or night i get anxious and desperate. its so weird my fingers tingle and my mind thinks of the worst situations that can happen. so i got out of the theatre really irritated not at my mom but at my constant situation, i can never go somewhere without it being ruined by something, and the school seemed empty i mean the parking lot had cars but i was alone in the chilly night. this was at 9 and its 9:35 and i still feel a little anxious. it sucks! i feel. .. hey i don't even know how to describe it but i don't think its normal. its like fear but . . . ugh i don't know. but after that i had to silently cry it out a little on my way home and it felt good. by the time i got home i felt a whole lot better. and now i feel a OK. but i definitely don't think that is normal ANYWAYS the play was awesome and the two lead roles were GORGEOUS hmmm .. . it was awesome. when one of the guys had there song (its a musical) he was singing footloose and he totally came up to our row and smiled at us!!! now i dont seem to sound boy crazy but it was awesome or felt awesome. sigh. well that was great.

today nothing really happened. nothing at all. we finished Romeo and Juliet the movie and play and it was so different but both were sad and fulfilling. and on my way to biology i was walking and saw that there is absolutely no point in looking good at school. sure personal hygiene is important and brushing hair and teeth but there to fasion, no offense to fasionistas, but its dumb. there is no other reason other to impress a potential mate, or show off. to those who know me i have nothing to show off, my figure is not hourglass, and connecting the dots if i dont look good i cant attract a mate. but the truth is i'd rather have sweat pants, messy hair (a bun full with nots) and well a shirt that does nothing for my body. HA! ofcourse i like looking ok but i feel so much better in what i just described. =) well that was random rambling but hec i'm bored. but now i must say good night. i'm tired and ready for a good nights sleep. plus i want a run in the morning, so PEACE!

signing out,

Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

L8er

I cant wait tonight i'm gonna watch the play BACK TO THE 80'S and its supposed to be really good. i'm gonna watch it with my friends, well i hope they can come. I know samantha is going to and i hope em and shea can too. but there not answering so. . . hmmmmmmmmm. well i'll blog later cause i dont want to right now.
PEACE,
Lili aka Smurf burrito

GUESS IT WASNT THAT SHORT HUH?

Nada

So today nothing happened, nada, zip. you better believe it. so this is going to be a very short entry.
I read the last 100 pages of my book and it was absolutely positively. . . FABULOUS! it was awesome but very sad and it almost made me cry-almost. i mean i felt my eyes sting and nose hurt. hehe. but i didnt because i was in public. but it was AWESOME. to my faith full readers (aka shea and emelie) you have to read this series. i mean its AWESOME.
anywaysers first period was a bore Mrs.Richardson just blabbed on about how to construct angles and other thing with a compass and ruler. oh yeah that was exhilarating (sarcasm.) and third period was fun it was health and we saw a funny movie about our human sexual maturity. . . it was hilarious. Then PE was easy peasy lemon squeezy----we ran a lap then ran walk 3 then played softball. again so exhilarating. i got one out and that was because i didnt get to the base on time BUT i did hit the ball. . . all the times i was up at bat. =) well the first time Kyle had to help me cause i sucked and kept on swinging it . . . with to much force and nothing to clash with it therefore too much momentum. i'm sure you can imagine, so he showed me then of course volunteered me. ha. funny but i amazingly did good. so after school was a bore too.
And now i'm here. so there ya go my amazing life. i really dont feel up to talking about my philosophies about life, love and so long so i will do that next time. i promise. i'm sure all of my readers would love to here my opinions and thoughts about life. ha. but to add something mental-in A SWEET FAR THING i did learn something and that is 1) woman are strong and we can do whatever we please if we just stand up for ourselves 2) if you believe in yourself you can accomplish many things 3) life sucks 4) when it feels like the world is on our shoulders we should just cry it out until finally our head are clear again and finally 5) if i had a hot indian dude that passionately loved me i would have a really hard time letting him go. ;) so there ya go most of these are repeats but this book really inforced them and made me have a heart wrenching moment. .. tear. . . ok im over it.
PEACE
Signing out
Lili AKA smurf burrito
PS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ugly betty is going on today and greys anatomy i can hardly wait. :)

AWESOME COLLAGE I FOUND!

Check this really awesome collage i found on some of the best books ever.

Confusion

*************WARNING! A SWEET FAR THING SPOILERS INVOLVED (IN GRAY)******************

So today i got to start school at 9:20 because of STAR testing. =) so as i sat there determining DNA sequences i thought of how much farther i need of this torture!! AHHHHHHHH! but finally i finished and started reading A SWEET FAR THING and guess what AHHHHHHHHH!!! felicity kissed pippa or better said pippa kissed felicity. yeah! the two girls passionantly kissed each other!!! isnt that shocking and totally explained why they were such good 'friends'. HA. i cant believe they were lesbians so i was reading this in class and i also read the part were Gemma and Kartik get jiggy with it, hows that for a nice testing time. anyways i had to write that in here. i mean its about the most interesting thing that has happened to me all day. So after school my mom picked me up and dropped me off at my sister Martha's house because she was still not done. usually when i'm there i feel a warmness a certain feeling of being content but today i felt a lot of hostile coldness. i mean Jeff (brother-in-law) was super cold and my sister was getting mad at me for not going to youth group today!! is it my fault my nut of a math teacher gave me so much homework. UGH! so today has not been so peachy. seriously i felt so out of it and i've had this uneasy feeling like if something is going to happen. you know that uncertainess. its so irritating. . . you know. probably not? so today i saw my crush for a short 40 minutes and totally ignored him cuz i was reading the book then i saw the other cute guy and my stomach flipped. . . could that mean something? i dont know anymore. i'm so confused. well anyways one thing is for sure this weekend has to be a party weekend for me and my friends. and by party i mean a relaxing evening with my best friends. oh yeah im a party animal. hehe. =) anywaysers, life as it is is so unfullfilling. and i just feel lonely. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! i'm so stressed so annoyed so tired i cant think straight and i really dont want to do homework or think about tommorow. (insert an annoyed, angry, tired sound here). My confusion about my religion has settled to a nice feeling of comfort when i think about God listening to all of my problems.
Lets switch to a nicer subject. So at my sisters house i got my TWILIGHT back and was skimming through my favorite parts . . .the more i read the more handsome Edward look, feels and the more romance seems to bloom out of the awesome pages. i love it. so i got to go. but theres my day and thoughts-----------------interesting huh?

Signing out,
Lili AKA smurf burrito
PS What should i do with my hair? its really boring. i was thinking of cutting it or dying it. idk comments please!

Perfecta by Miranda

This is like one of my favorite songs but dude this video is beyond my comprehension. Ha! its really weird.But you will begin to see that random post like these will apear on my blog. hehehe. its really weird. But Miranda is weird. hmmmm.

signing out,

lili AKA smurf burrito

HA! A Novela.

SORRRRYYYYY! to everyone because i just noticed how blinding the blue was i used yesterday. today was beyond boring it was killing me. hehe. anyways i dont have alot to say other than i miss my best buddies. you guys are and always will be the best-emelie and shea. but anyways moving along i have recently started watching a novela (soap opera) calle La Traicion its faboulous!!!! so its about a guy that has a desease called acatalepsia which makes that body appear dead when its not. so basically he falls in love, duh, with this one girl and she falls in love with him the only problem at the moment was that he was considered a mujeriego so the her parents didnt let her get married then lots of stuff happened and did i mentions the main guy has a twin brother who is also in love with the same girl and is jealous. so he cooks up a plan to seperate the lovers, and of course he prevails then lots of other crap happens that now the main lover is pretending to be the other brother because everyone thinks he is dead and he thinks that the the girl just used him and wants the find the truth and the other girl got prego and had his baby but he thinks its his brothers who he is acting. but since he came back and acted like the other brother her mom made her lie and . .. anyways i doubt anyone was following along but its awesome!!!!! =) hehe. so its on telemudo. ANYWAYS did you guys know that a new ugly betty is on thursday followed by GRey's anatamy YES i cant wait.
anyways going along with my boring life i'm reading A SWEET FAR THING right now and its absolutely great and romantic. and i love it. =) hmmmmmmmm. . . although know one knows this i've been writing a story (all my friends do) i started in eighth grade and just stop but lately started to keep writing it. and shea-i think writing the romance part of a romance novel is the best because its putting romantic things that our own hearts desire. you know. anyways, i might get the courage to post some time soon. ha. maybe.
signing out,
lili aka smurf burrito

PLAY!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shea and Emelie hello we have to hang out friday!!!!! you guys still havent responded, its friday night, curtain call is at 7:30 PM and i think its 8 bucks. so tell me its BACK TO THE 80'S we can totally make fun of it. ;) you know you wanna. comment me back.
Love Ya,
Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

Hmmmmmmmm. . .Another Day

So today was another normal boring day of my life. the normal schedule. . . i wake up @ 5:40 then kit the alarm clock snooze button 5 times before finally waking up, showering and getting to school a second before the bell ring or a second after. ha. anyways today in english we read Act 4 in Romeo and Juliet and i was very intrigued by the fact that the juliet was so in love that she would kill herself if she was not with romeo, vise versa. and on top of that a cute guy that sat across from me was looking especially cute today hmmmm . . . i drew a nice sketch of him on my notes. =) anyways after the boredom of english class i had BIOLOGY my favorite class and not only because of the subject . .. the conversations we have in class, and well my crush is there! hmmmm . . . so today he asked for my phone number to text me but i was like sorry i lost it and dont have one at the moment but when i buy my new one i'll give it to you. and he just shrugged and went on with his conversation. and any other girl would be worried about this situation but hec i had already lost hope in this crush, and i really didnt have a cell phone plus my purity retreat really did teach me to not really care and i am really waiting for the right one. . . no that doesnt mean i would reject him if he asked me out. hehehee. but that was by far the most exciting thing that happened. in dance were doing this weird shape dance that is the oddest thing i have danced. and i have officially decided to start my diet. . . and those who know me i would never get a hard diet or starve myself, EWWWWW! anyways that was today. =) J***** oh J***** whereout thy J*****? hehehehe. i am not going to pronounce my crushes name my best friends know and that is enough. anyways, life is ok. tommorow sadly it's STAR TESTING ugh. ugh. ugh. ugh. a million times ugh. but after our school classes will be shorter and thats good. well if anything awesome happens i'll report i have to do geometry know. caca.
PEACE,
Lili AKA Smurf Burrito

PURITY RETREAT!

So friday at 4PM i left to DOS PICOS PARK for my church girls' purity retreat. sure it sounds weird a bunch of girls talking about abstaining from sex, waiting, and all that stuff that i do already believe in. but it was absolutely amazing. i think its pretty funny that i'm talking about this stuff at the same time i'm watching the movie juno. HAHA. anyways the purity retreat was so much fun and imformative. the experience was life changing. since i was completely stupid i forgot my camera in my car so i didnt get to take a lot of pictures but the ones i did take were ok. here ya go. . . . well nevermind its not working. i'll post them as soon as i can. =) well we learned amazing things. The most amazing thing April (one of my youth leaders) planned was a date with your dad. so on saturday afternoon we had just finished a talk about real sex (yeah i know) and we were taking a "walk" and all of a sudden we see all of our dads sitting there with roses ready to take us out to dinner. and it was absolutely amazing and who ever conviced my father to go all the way to Ramona did an amazing miracle. hehehehehehe. it was amazing. and so i went to a sushi place in ramona (i know a sushi place in Ramona) with my dad and we ate california and crunch roll. YUM!!!! AMAZING :) i was so happy. anyways friday it was super hot and then it was super cold friday night, then all of saturday it was freezing!!!!!!!! like seriously the stupid news people said it was going to be warm so we all packed shorts, it was not hot. not one bit. so anyways there we were around a campfire freezing our tushis off. and not to mention the burning smoke AHHHHH! but with all these sucky thing the lessons, the bible verses, and the nature were fantastic. i so totally loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways life is so good right now. sort of i have made the choice to completely give myself to jesus and completely save myself until i am married (but already did that a year ago) but this weekend i learned to totally learn how to do so. although hey i till think some guys are so hot. and so love ramnce novels but i know that somewhere there is the absolutely perfect guy for me and hopefully he is going to save himself for me. Anyways its getting late and i totally still have to do other stuff so speak to you l8er.
signing out,
Lili aka smurf burrito.

Oh Oh

Ok i'm at lunch right now and am SUPER tired and SUPER hungry. so this is for shea- my school filtered the blogs so i cant read your thing i'll try when i get to my sisters house. :) but if not i wont get back to you till sunday. as for every other idiot that is reading this BYE and i'll blog sunday afternoon!
signing out
lili AKA smurf burrito

So Long

Well its been a long time since i wrote on here. . . a couple days or a week. i dont know. but i was in San Luis Obispo over my boring but oh so great spring break and as i looked at my family eating at my sisters dinner table i noticed that my family is really torn and that . .. well, we're comformist. something i do not ever desire to be. We #1, like i said in my last blog, tend to bend to others opinions and life instead of sticking to our own identity. My family has not strived for something big like a trip or a goal. we're just here on earth living day by day on the same boring schedule. . . how boring. My mom and dad are having problems with there marriage and money, i'm having problems @ school and plain life, my sister has problems with her fiance, my other sister with her husband and kids, and my other other sister with her boyfrienda and the IRS, my brother with the law (although he has been good lately), and well we have not time to enjoy life, not even to enjoy each other. As you can plainly see we are really messed up at the moment. and it wasnt always that way. i learned that a long time ago AKA pre-me days my dad actually took my family places now he is so run down that all he does is work work oh and work then sleep. my mom has been killing her back cleaning houses, and everything is taking a toll on me because although they are not necessarly my own problems they still weigh me down with the thought of my family suffering. i want to go to spirit west coast (christian rock band thing) $100 something dollars and they give it to me but instantly i feel ashamed for asking for something. These are really hard times in my world from finance to my spiritualism eveything is messed up.
HA i just noticed i dont have #2. oh well. Its late im not done with homework, life sux, i need job, my family is in deep caca and yet i have the ordacity (spell check!) to still want a love life. how pathetic is that. my life is complicated enough and i want to add yet another problem. .. but hey i guess that is wat teenagers are best at, right? :) Well i need to finish health homework so i must say good bye. Blog back soon!

Religoun and Other Flustered Thoughts

Well although my last blog was moments ago i just got a phonecall. Yeah it was my niece asking me to go to church for the wendsday youth group. I usually go withought thought "ofcourse" being my normal robotic answer but today i bit my tongue so to speak. I noticed in my own spiritual self that i have been avoiding church recently. HOPE church is a very welcoming place but at times i feel that the youth group is way seperated its like being in highschool cliques instead of a place to relax and praise the Lord. I mean my sister, Martha, is 31 and she totally bends her character she's different around church people but as soon as we leave the pleasantly full church parking lot it changes. and i think that is an awfull role model to her daughter my 13 year old niece. i mean she is totally different, we used to be close but now were so distant. Sure i'm her aunt but we're just one year apart and treat each other like sisters. I just dont understand why? Why would you want to change your own character just to fit in to someones agenda and way of being? i dont get it. it sucks to be in such an awful position. i try to figure my own standing at church and in my own family and highschool and always find myself and outsider. i dont really mind to be an outsider, a distant character in the backdrop, because i have friends with me that have the same interest. . . well, except at church, i consider them acquantinces. i have always been a person that is picky when picking friends and right now only have one really good friend at my highschool. And you might think of me to be outspoken but i am far from that and yet with my strong opinions i cant help but be jelous of the giant goup of friends i see. or when i see the group at church making plans for after or the weekend it hurts to be so excluded in a way were they just talk about themselves in front of you or worse turn around and snicker. i am very confused teenager with thoughts of love, romance, religoun, God, school, family, and friends the last thing i really need is drama in my life. so i guess my avoidance is just a way to deal and just plainly get over it? i dont know. but as i said and warned before this is a place to let go. UGH! If shea and emelie are reading this. .. . . WHOOoOoo! You guys are really missing out right.

So as to the romance part of my brain and thoughts. i dont have a boyfriend and yes currently am crushing on someone. but i will not mention his name. As i read my books that all have the element of love i find my self skipping to the romantic parts and trully hate myself for it. my heart aches for i have an emptyness that i know i should not have. i'm not saying its necessarily a guys spot because its not but an empty spot thats there and i must fill and that those romantic readings temporarly fill. when i read the way a guy corted a girl in the victorian era i'm totally amazed at the respect there was so long ago. were did it all go. hmmmm . . . well i will leave off with that because if i go on i'm afraid this might me to long for anyone to read. :) ha. anyways i wish whowever reads this to someway connect with my feelings. and relate.
i cant be the only one right . . . ????
signing off,
lili aka smurf burrito

My First Blog! Hehe! Im so excited!

Well it has been a long time no see (even if its my first blog) I cant wait to make plans for the future and start our friendship up again. LOVE YA But here is were i'll express myself and my feelings HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I doubt anyone will ever read this but hec - - -its pretty cool